Parents listen very carefully

10 February 2010

What you say to your children is very important. I'm sure you know that already, but have you thought about the implications of the words you use?

The unconscious mind is an extremely powerful creative tool that will manifest all that it wants and needs, but if you input "bad data" into that unconscious mind, especially at early ages, you will invariably do more harm than good.

What do I really mean by this?

Well the classic example is that our minds will focus on things, and we get what we focus on.

In fact, if a single thought entered your mind, even if you didn't think it was relevant, it is.

The mere fact that it entered into your thought process, means that it is relevant, otherwise it wouldn't have even been registered by your mind at all and you would have zero knowledge of it.

That's right, you get what you focus on, so what are you telling your children?

During the imprint years, ages 0-7, we as children haven't yet developed our critical faculty. This is the ability to make decisions and discern wrong from right.

If I ask you to don't think of a blue tree, you have can't help but think of it first in order to apply the negation part of that statement to it. It's a 2 stage process. First you must think of the blue tree, and then you process the "don't" part.

Well, as children, you can't even understand how to process the don't part of that statement.

So think about these statements now with this understanding:

- don't run around the shopping mall
- listen to mummy, don't do that again
- you are not allowed to do that

A child doesn't understand, hence they seem to misbehave, when really they are just doing what you just told them, only they didn't understand the negation.

As a parent, youve got to be very aware of what you say to your children. Of the many successful people I've studied and read about and also had the opportunity to chat to, every single one of them had a childhood where their parents were always supportive of what they did.

Their parents had only positive things to say and words of encouragement, all the time.

I grew up in a Chinese family. It is very traditional in Asian cultures to bring children up with the understanding that they should lead a normal, standard and boring, but stable and consistent life.

When you clash that with slightly more idealistic ways of thinking from western up bringing, you get a real sharp edge of broken identity which if not made aware, would only serve one of 2 purposes.

Path 1 would be assimilation, total loss of identity and conformity to the degree that although the child believes they might be having a good life, it is in fact not even theirs they are living, but the design of their over controlling parents.

Path 2 is rebellious individualism. This can lead to fairly destructive arguments, as both sides are invariably right in their own beliefs, but will never come to a resolution or compromise, because their personal philosophies are so far apart.

This is the dilemma many people of an Asian background face when they have children in a western culture.

I talk about this as I am talking from first hand experience. Much as I love my parents, they will never understand me, nor do they even care to make an attempt to. The ideals of growth, change, evolving to a higher cause, be that doing amazing business or becoming an icon of inspiration for other people, they will never understand why that is even necessary.

I sat amongst friends recently and a question was posed about what each others "purpose" was in life. One lady mentioned that before having children, she did not have much purpose, but now she does.

Her curiosity focused onto me, being single right now, she wondered what single people's "purpose" could be?

I must admit, I find it incredible that many people do not have purpose in their lives other than for their children. However I am not a parent, so I cannot speak from having those experiences.

I did however answer, well, even if I have children and a family, I believe I have a higher calling to instigate and inspire people the do better for the world.

That would come above all family. In the same kind of way that say a President might have to make a decision to save his children, or save his country (in a hypothetical discussion), the President or Leader, would choose to save millions of lives over that of his or her, loved ones. I'm sure of it.

This is that higher calling. An understanding that I do have the power and resources to help the world. It is a conviction so strong that I know, there is so much more in life on planet earth.

Look out in 2011 as I will be authoring a book around identity for first generation immigrants and how to overcome the difficulties and issues with cross cultural integration.

My provisional title is:
Building Identity in the face of Mediocrity.
A Journey Through Lost Identities, and how to Reclaim Your Own Self