What does it mean when you talk about paying your dues?

08 August 2009

Why is it that there is this overwhelming notion that it takes a certain amount of effort before something is achieved? I was on the way back from central London after hosting a travel meetup event and I overheard a group of people talking about a friend of theirs who had “paid their dues” and thus “deserved” the reward he was getting.

This got me thinking, why did they believe this to be true? What was it in their thinking that meant they had associated reward and fulfilment with the fact that a certain amount of time and/or effort had to be exerted first?

It was through my understanding that their perception of this notion that time served equals reward had been taught to them by the experiences and learnings they had whilst they were growing up.

In fact it was Dr Morris Massey’s work on values which described 3 major periods where our core notions are created. These are described below:
• The imprint period; Ages 0-7 – humans are like sponges during this time, absorbing information around us and accepting most of it as true, especially what we learn from our parents. At this stage we haven’t developed the notion of right or wrong and it is our experiences throughout this period where we create our own decisions on what is right and wrong. The confusion and blind belief in this time often times lead to the early formation of the deepest problems.
• The modelling period; Ages 7-13 – this is when we start copying people, role modelling and trying things on, much like a new pair of shoes. We start to find new teachers other than our parents and take into account their wise words as they often seem more knowledgeable than our parents.
• The socialization period; Ages 13-21 – this part we are largely influenced by our peers. We begin to develop as individuals and looks for alternative ways to detach from the programming we’ve received up till now. Media is extremely influential at this stage, especially the parts which largely incorporates the values of the same peer group.

How does this relate to the story, well that notion of time served = reward was taught to them perhaps by teachers, or more likely by their parents, who like themselves would have been taught by their ancestors and so on.

Does this serve you on an empowering way? Are you thinking like this as well? It can’t all be true right? If it were, then no one would ever become successful until they are well into their later years, and we know full well, there are hundreds and thousands of young adults who are massively successful.

So how does that happen and how can you cultivate this new attitude that it doesn’t take time?

I think it begins with your understanding of what time really is. Take away the humans on this planet, and suddenly the notion of time would not exist. It is we, who provide meaning to the passing of time. It is us who determine that there is a past and a future.

Do you think snails care about the past and the future? They have no concept of time, they only have a concept of here and now and what they have to do right now in order to survive. Plants and trees have no notion of time or effort. For them it is completely effortless to grow towards the sun. It is just how it is and they get on with it.

Of course, civilization has moved beyond that basic need of survival for most people, however strangely we haven’t moved beyond understanding that the present and now is the only thing that matters. What we do today will ultimately determine how you show up in the world tomorrow.

Drop that thought now that you have to work hard to earn a living, or you have to put in the hours to become successful, or that it takes hard work and time to “make it”, these are your limiting beliefs. They don’t serve you in an empowering way.

It is not beyond the realms of impossibility that you could wake up tomorrow and get that new business idea or meet the right people to help you towards your dreams, you just have to believe that it is possible.

I hear you say, isn’t that a load of positive thinking rubbish. Well let me put it to you like this. Even if neither case manifests itself in your life, and say you’ve lived 30 years thinking a certain way. Then wouldn’t life be so much more appealing having spent 30 years being positive and going for it, than 30 years of moaning or subscribing to that thought that it takes time and hard work. I know which way I’d rather live.

If you haven’t read it, go read it, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.